ONTARIO - In an attempt to ensure a new cash flow for the provincial government, Premier Kathleen Wynne has implemented a new policy forcing Ontarians to have two alcoholic beverages at all times.
DESERTED ISLAND - After rolling up the pages and saying a short prayer, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, Dominic LeBlanc, has thrown what may be his final bill into the ocean in hopes that Atlantic currents will take it home to Ottawa.
CALGARY - Husky Energy has reassured environmental groups that local wildlife will evolve to refine and use the crude spilled in the North Saskatchewan River at a level above that of regular unleaded.
PRINCE ALBERT, SK -- Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall beamed with pride to announce Canada’s first oil pipeline that will deliver unrefined crude oil via the Saskatchewan River to household taps in Prince Albert and North Battleford.
OTTAWA - A day after the death of Abdirahman Abdi at the hands of police officers, Canadian media have pulled their coverage, realizing the incident did not take place in America.
OTTAWA - Public Works Minister Judy Foote has personally apologized to public servant Deborah Jane Parks whose Social Insurance Number is listed as 555 053 043 and lives at 394 Johnson Blvd, Ottawa, Ontario, K3F 5L2 for the Phoenix Paysystem privacy breach.
OTTAWA - After being absent from Parliament for three straight months, federal sources report that the Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, Dominic LeBlanc, has finally arrived back in Ottawa lugging the beak of the dreaded Kraken along with him.
OTTAWA - Thousands of federal public servants who have not been paid due to a glitch in the Phoenix pay system software have preoccupied themselves by processing their Employment Insurance benefits.
OTTAWA - The Liberal government and Foreign Affairs Minister Stéphane Dion have appointed several new ambassadors this week, replacing Grimguts McGree, Black Hand Jones, and other controversial Conservative appointees.
OTTAWA - Speaking to a conference of finance industry power brokers, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that, after years of coordinated government planning and effort, Canadian wealth inequality is at its highest level ever.
VIENNA - Following his famous thought experiment that illustrates how quantum mechanics functions, physicist Erwin Schrödinger has reported that his pet cat has begun constantly demanding to be let both indoors and outdoors at the same time.Read more... in Science and Technology