TORONTO - Following 12 cases of food poisoning linked to the “cronut burger,” the department of Public Health has shut down the Canadian National Exhibition stand and has warned customers that eating a 4 pound gelatinous mess of red meat, pastry and cheese may be harmful to their health.
Sources say the headline-grabbing midway “food”, rumored to clock in at well in excess of 7,500 calories per serving, has been linked to a dozen cases of food poisoning with 5 individuals rushed to hospital, obviously. In the past week CNE patrons have lined up to try the cronut burger, undeterred by it’s laughably obscene fat content or the fact that nomadic carnival folk have prepared it mere inches from the midway pavement.
“Good,” was the only comment on the food poisonings offered by Toronto Public Health manager Jim Chan, before he angrily returned to query reporters as to what the fuck was wrong with some people.
The “Epic Burger” stand at the CNE remained closed, though patrons were reportedly still excited for it’s re-opening. One such individual, arc welder James Brenton, 37, was seen snacking on a deep-fried stick of butter, obtained at a nearby stall.
“Just a little something to tide me over until the cronut burgers come back”.
At press time, it’s totally okay to eat half a cow shoved inside a greasy french delicacy if it’s your cheat day.