AJAX, ON – Local gas station cashier Geoff Wayne is proud to report that politics don’t affect him despite political policy being the source of every single one of his problems. “Listen, I …
Middle Finger named “Official Bird” of Ontario highways
BARRIE – In the wake of a population boom, the Province of Ontario is proud to announce that the middle finger has been tapped as the “Official Bird” of their roadways. “For years, you cou…
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
“I’m pro-life, but…” says guy about to discover he is pro-choice
SUDBURY, ON – Local man Nick Jacobs declared this weekend that he was confident in his pro-life stance despite making every pro-choice argument there is. Eight minutes after arriving at his…
Feminist Ally only calls his girlfriend hysterical when she is actually on her period
SUDBURY, ON – Proud feminist Brad Daniels revealed that he only uses “hysterical”, a term that labels emotional women as hormonal, when it really is his girlfriend’s time of the month. Brad…
Tragic! This woman still not picking up game as it goes along
Bad news, folks. Tiffany Crane reports that she still doesn’t understand how to play the fantasy TTRPG “Slay the Gauntlet” despite her boyfriend’s insistence that she’ll totally figure out the co…
Heartbreaking! This woman’s boss just asked her to share her screen with, like, zero warning!
Horror! Marketing manager Jessica Burns reported that her boss Sherry, without any notice or provocation, asked her to share her screen during a team-wide Google Meets call today which was honest…
Conservative Party of Canada vows not to change ambiguous stance on abortion
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has announced that, despite the growing pro-life movement in the United States government, Canadians can rest easy knowing that they won’t know the…
Delta and Omicron variants jealous that younger XE strain gets away with anything it wants
TORONTO – The Delta and Omicron variants are reportedly upset that they had to deal with the provincial government’s rules and regulations, whereas the younger XE subvariant gets to run wil…
Touching: This Hollywood movie defies the stereotypes that Hollywood helped set
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Walt Disney Pictures has announced their latest project, The Bear Minimum, an animated coming-of-age movie that breaks the stereotypes they spent years reinforcing because i…