CALGARY – Local man Derek Rathburn, known to many in the community as Shorts Guy, has reportedly jumped the gun once again on breaking out his trusty shorts for the summer season.
“We had one day of fifteen-degree weather,” explained coffee shop owner Meredith Lopez. “And boom, out come his gym shorts, and those skinny, pasty calves.”
Rathburn seems to have made a yearly tradition of being the first one in shorts amongst all his friends and acquaintances. He often is quick to suggest that he is the normal one, and everyone else is behind schedule. His explanations range from “c’mon, we live in Canada!” to “summer is a state of mind”. Often, these reasons are offered up unprompted, and sources say they sound rehearsed.
“I don’t have proper circulation to my legs, so I can’t feel temperature there anyway,” Rathburn loudly stated to passersby before pulling up the hood on his parka on a two-degree cloudy afternoon.
He added: “Yeah, sometimes the sleet can be a bit much on the shins, but I bet you guys must be sweltering in those jeans!”
Rockyview General Hospital’s emergency ward says they are preparing for Rathburn’s annual visit for frostbite treatment, after his premature switch from winter boots to sandals.