Passion Fruit: Divided and Desperate

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Dear Krysten,

Lately, it seems like me and my boyfriend have nothing in common. He’s always reading art history books, while I’m more interested in contemporary art. He likes science fiction adventure movies, I prefer fantasy thriller films. He likes green tea, I’m an earl grey person. He wants to paint the living room taupe, I’d prefer beige. How can we bridge these differences?

Divided and Desperate


Me and my ex-boyfriend David also had very little in common: He didn’t want to have kids; I wanted to have seven. He didn’t enjoy making conversation with strangers; I talk to everyone I meet. He prefers the winter season; I only like sunny, warm weather. He votes conservative; I vote liberal. He’s in love with Miranda; I’m in love with him. And that’s just off the top of my head! The trick is to just ignore the differences – or, to find someone new.

I was at the Horseshoe Tavern for indie night last Thursday, and this guy got up on stage with only a guitar and a violin. He spent the next hour playing Arcade Fire covers, and that’s when I knew I was in love, even though everyone else was shouting, “Get off the stage you fucking loser!”, “Why must you ruin great music?”, and chucking nickels and beercaps at his face.

I knew I was in love.

As soon as he finished his set, I ran over and introduced myself. The next thing I knew, me and Paulthaniel were an item.

Paulthaniel is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When he’s not playing shows, he’s working the night shifts at a used video and game store. I get a 10% discount on all previously viewed DVDs that are more than five years old!

I spend my Sundays driving him around to garage and estate sales, because Paulthaniel collects lawn furniture and those are the best places to find old plastic chairs. He’s really happy that I have a car (that was one of the first things we talked about!) because his license got revoked for too many DUIs. I can’t blame him for drinking and driving, though – he’s an artist.

When I told Paulthaniel about David and all of the heartbreak he had put me through, Paulthaniel told me that if I ever needed to get back at David, he has a buddy who owes him a favour. A big favour.

I can already tell that Paulthaniel is going to be great. He said he would never leave me, and to prove it, he stuck his hand into a jar of mosquitoes (he thought they were like fireflies and lit up at night! So cute!), scratched one of the bites, and we made a blood pact. It’s too bad Paulthaniel is a severe hemophiliac. We spent the night in the ER, but it was definitely a memorable second date.

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