TTC suggests passengers just 'buy a fucking car already'

Monday, 20 January 2014 03:24 Written by  Jay Milley
TTC suggests passengers just 'buy a fucking car already' Photo: Commodore Gandalf Cunningham / Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

TORONTO - Overwhelming customer complaints regarding long delays and crumbling infrastructure have prompted the TTC to suggest to its unhappy customer base “to grow up” and “buy a fucking car already.”

“I don’t know where people got the idea that we were supposed to offer a palace on wheels,” said TTC spokesperson Illana Rieers. “Perhaps if more of you would quit being cheap assholes and buy a car like a fucking adult, then the subway would run perfectly fine. We suggest saving up some of your drug money and signing a flexible lease agreement, then maybe you wouldn’t have to be a low life piece of garbage that has to take the streetcar.”

At press time, stranded citizens waiting in the freezing rain for a delayed bus were being told to show some self-respect and take a goddamn taxi.

Last modified on Monday, 20 January 2014 15:25