Poilievre meets with far-right east coast extremists to workshop summer conspiracies
NOVA SCOTIA/NEW BRUNSWICK BORDER – Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has met with far-right extremists camped out on the border between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, for the purpose of …
Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy
Nostalgia, Canada – By every single metric, 2003 was a pretty sub-par year but you just need to live in any other time than now, don’t you? So now we have to list a bunch of things from a t…
Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe
HOLLYWOOD – Superhero movie insiders report the upcoming film Deadpool & Wolverine will at long last introduce the long-rumoured nation of Canada to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Whil…
Wealthy Canadians demand the Liberals also raise taxes on the capital gains of the poor
OTTAWA – After learning the new federal budget will increase the amount of tax paid by people who make more than $250,000 in capital gains in a year, Canada’s richest citizens are demanding…
New Canadian Olympic uniforms made from real Alberta beef
VANCOUVER – The Canadian Olympic Committee and the Canadian Paralympic Committee have partnered with the Alberta Beef Council to unveil the new athlete kits for the Paris 2024 Summer Olympi…
New Tim Hortons pizza made with 100% Canadian cardboard
OAKVILLE, ON – Heralding its new offerings as the culmination of nine years of intense laboratory research, Tim Hortons president Axel Schwan proudly announced that the franchise’s new line…
Dogs embracing their bad boy side as sale of treats plummet
CALGARY, AB – As sales of dog treats have plummeted around the country, dogs are embracing their bad boy side. Ralph, the Labrador Retriever, had become accustomed to receiving multiple tre…
Liberal budget promises 10 bajillion dollars to whatever thing you’re into
OTTAWA – The new Liberal budget was officially released yesterday, with the government unveiling a number of plans involving new programs and spending, including $10 bajillion dollars for w…
X employee takes extra shifts in Musk’s emerald mine to make ends meet
San Francisco, Zambia – Twitter née X programmer Terry Llyod has picked up a few night shifts in CEO Elon Musk’s emerald mine to pay off some of his rent. “It’s really my only option at thi…
NHL to expand to every city in North America except Quebec City
NEW YORK CITY – The NHL has announced that every single metropolitan area with a population of at least 100,000 people in North America will soon be getting an NHL team, with the small exce…